John 8:36

If the Son has set you free, you will be free indeed. (NIV).

I was in a toxic relationship for years. It’s not something that I’m proud of. It was life-draining, humiliating, and exhausting. I’m ashamed of some of the things that went down. It felt like that cycle of dysfunction was never going to end.

There were words spoken that broke my self-confidence. It happened all the time. Every moment I built myself back up, I got torn down. In retrospect, I hold myself responsible. I was the one who kept coming back and asking for more. There were multiple times that I could have chosen freedom, but I didn’t. I decided to return to my chains.

Even when freedom is right before our eyes, we have to take that step forward to embrace it. We must be bold enough to make it ours. We are often the ones fueling our own bondage. We continually return to the chains that have held us back for so long.

In John 8:36, Jesus tells us, “If the Son has set you free, you are free indeed” (NIV). Let His words resonate in your mind. Freedom is within your grasp! Jesus is trying to tell you that you can break free from the cycle. You can break free from the pain. Stop believing the lies, and no longer return to your chains.

You can break free from the pain. Stop believing the lies, and no longer return to your chains.

Have you ever found yourself in this situation? Why do we do this to ourselves? 


When we live in a dysfunctional situation for so long, we end up becoming comfortable in it. We are afraid of what’s outside of that reality. It’s fear of the unknown. We start to believe the lie that there is nothing better for us. The most terrifying thought is one of being alone. 

The only answer is to find the courage to break out of our comfort zone and cast aside the lies. We need to embrace Jesus and the freedom He so freely gives. It’s the type of freedom that reminds us we are free to choose life-giving and empowering things. He longs for us to experience this deliverance, but we have the final say on if we accept it or not.

Lack of Confidence

My shattered self-image is what caused me to remain where I was. I couldn’t find it in myself to believe that I deserved better. I took to heart the lies fed to me. I desperately tried to strive towards being something that I was not. I genuinely wanted to please my partner but ended up becoming less and less of who God called me to be.

I devalued myself. I started to become the person that I never wanted to be. My twisted perception of myself started to become a reality. It was a slippery slope, and I couldn’t regain my footing. Ultimately, I was the one allowing it to happen. It took me a long time to be able to see it clearly.

Desire to See Your Partner Change

There is good in everyone, undoubtedly. We see the good in our partner and remember the reasons we connected in the first place. No matter how destructive their patterns become, we want to believe they will change. We desire to be the instrument of that change. Our heart is in shambles because we hate to see our partner in the state that they are in.

If we are brutally honest with ourselves, we realize that it’s up to them to change. That burden is not on you. Ultimately, you don’t have that choice. It’s a tragedy, but something that you must accept. 

It’s up to them to change. That burden is not on you.

Our God is a God of healing. He wants to see you free from anything that holds you back. If you are in a toxic relationship, Jesus wants you to know that freedom is available to you. If you embrace it, there is no need to fear what’s on the other side. He will lead you to true freedom and the chance to retake hold of your life. If you are feeling scared to take this step, let His words in Isaiah 41:10 speak directly to your heart: “Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand” (NIV).

3 thoughts on “Breaking Free From Toxic Relationships

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